Being Wizard

Being Wizard : 3 Steps To A More Wizard You

Now for all you warlocks, druids, shamans, voodoo priests etc. I didn't say 'being a wizard' I said 'being wizard', as in the British slang for being cool. So if you want to walk down the street and have people exclaim "that guy is so wizard" or "Wizard! That guy defines wizard", or even "I wish I was as wizard as him/her!" then follow these steps

1. Dress Wizard


Anyone can wear clothes but not everyone's clothes are wizard. First things first get rid of all your trousers, pants, shorts, basically anything you wear on your legs that aren't jhorts. For those who aren't in the know jorts are shortened term for jean shorts and are the only clothing you should wear on your legs, ever! Of course you can wear something else but you'll just look absurd!
Wear whatever shoes you like just never wear socks. Socks are the manacles of the common man and will only hold you back from looking truly wizard
On top you should only ever wear deep cut v-neck tees with absurdly short sleeves, nothing else will do.  Literally nothing else because the combination of jorts + no socks + anything but v necks = you looking stupid! And you don't want to look stupid do you? Do you? Of course you don't, nobody does or do they? Boris Johnson perhaps? Anyway, wear this combination of clothes and you will always look wizard!

2. Act Wizard

Acting wizard isn't hard, not hard at all. Firstly you need to be dressed like a wizard. Then follow this one simple rule to act wizard;
Once dressed like a wizard walk around with a smug, self satisfied air, like you've accomplished something but in fact not done anything at all. In fact the less you've done and the more self satisfied and smug you are the more wizard you will look.

Just remember to follow that one simple step and you'll have everyone jealous of your wizard attitude. Remember less humble, less modest, more smug, more self satisfied and you're on your way

3. Owning Wizard Things

If you want to be wizard then own wizard things. The only two things you really need to own are an iPhone and a Macbook. However just owning these won't mean you're wizard you need to let peple know you own these wizad items.

With your iPhone, take it out at every opportunity to show it off, you might be pretending to answer a call or look at a text but once its out and you've seen someone  glance momentarily at it then make sure he/she knows all about it and how great it is to own one. Show that person all the apps, ask siri some question, just go on and on and on about it. After a long time this person will know how wizard you and your iPhone are

With your macbook get straight down to your local cafe. A Starbucks would be best but I think Costa or Caffe Nero would be fine, basically anything that's a coffee chain. Once there you need to get a table near the middle of the cafe and need to set up your mac before you even order a coffee. Once you ha e your coffee and have sat down tapping the keyboard aimlessly for a while turn around to your closest neighbour or whoever is in the cafe and loudly exclaim any of the following statements
"Oh boy writing screenplays is much easier when you have a MacBook!"
"I'm glad I have a MacBook, if I had a PC then I know I'd have writers block, ha ha ha"
"I have a MacBook, how great am I?"
"Macbook!"


Conclusion
Being wizard is simple, all you have to do is folks the simple rules I set out for you and you'll be looking wizard in no time. Anyway that's all for now, I have to check something on my iPhone before getting back to writing my screenplay on my MacBook  (so much better than writing it on a silly old PC, plots and characters just seem better on a MacBook somehow). Then I have to go do my laundry, luckily now that I'm a total wizard all I have to clean are jorts and tees.