The Lizard People

The lizard people are a very real nad very dangerous threat to us all! What people don't realise is that lizard people are very adept at hiding and keeping to the shadows, not letting the ordinary Joe Soaps see them at all or their awful plans for humanity. The following is a brief background to The Lizard People

History of The Lizard People
The Lizard People and humans co-existed peacefully up to and including the 12th Century B.C. Humans and the lizard people lived side by side in peaceful harmony, enjoying a co-existence fueled by common hatred of the Mongoloids. The Mongoloids were terrible race of Mongs and Loids who tortured the humans and lizard people in equal amounts. In the 12th Century B.C. the humans and lizard people banded together to form an almighty army to destroy the Mongoloids once and for all. In a mighty battle, what was once called the War of Independance before being stricken from the records, the Mongoloids were smashed by the allied human-lizard person army and were driven into the oceans where they slowly evolved into jellyfish, forever taking their revenge by stinging unsuspecting people at the beach.

Following the War of Independance the lizard people population had been decimated almost entirely, being only one fifth the size. Seeing his advantage, the leader of the human army, Pharaoh Rameses III led his human army against the lizard people and in the ensuing battle killed their leader, whose name is lost to the ages.

The humans had thought that all the Lizard People were killed but a small contingent had survived the attack and remained waiting in the shadows to exact their revenge on their cruel human usurpers


Lizard People In Today's Society
It took the Lizard people thousands of years to overcome the human treachery and regain some of their former power but it wasn't until the 60's that they finally revealed themselves as the insane terrorists we humans always knew them to be...... with the assassination of JF Kennedy!

That's right Lizard People killed the only man who could have ever led an uprising of humans against them, those wily bastards!

And what about all the other bad stuff that's happened in this world? Think all that's just a coincidence? Don't be an idiot!

Richard Nixon
Nixon was in fact a Lizard man in disguise who was completely funded by lizard people funds

A photo of Nixon meeting with his Lizard People contact

What about all those terrible movies Hollywood likes to churn out? 'Epic Movie, Vampires Suck, Disaster Movie, etc. Think a human could have written such garbage? No, sir! This is a lizard people attempt at sabotaging our youth with awful movies. Just look at who directs these movies

Lizard Person in human disguise

And music? What about all those shitty artists out there whose music is shit and is dumbing down the population of the world today? Did you really think Justin Bieber got to be a huge hit merely from youtube hits? No! See the shocking revelation here!

Justin Bieber out for a stroll with his lizard person manager!

Damn you to hell Bieber you collaborating son of a bitch!

And on to their worst crime! The Lizard people have somehow managed to implant chips into each of our brains which can read our thoughts! Now, you may be asking what good is that to them? Well it means they know all of our secrets which they sell to consumer ad agencies who pay them top dollar to fund their lizard people schemes!

How did they get the chips in our brains I hear you screaming! Well, when the child is born it's taken out of the room for a few 'check-ups' to make sure it's 'healthy', well that's a damn lie, take a look at this photo I took in a hospital (which I won't divulge the name of, suffice to say that Lizard People are rampant in our hospitals) to see what really happens

Here we can clearly see a lizard doctor having completed the brain chip implant and looking quite pleased with himself

It is quite clear that the Lizard People are rampant in our society and that they must be crushed beneath the bootheel of our cruelty once again. And, so, dear friends I call upon you to do your part and proclaim with me 'Death To The Lizard People'


Lizard People Collaborators

Here are some photos of people who are known lizard people collaborators, if you see these people don't hesitate to give them a stern telling off!

The Corr sisters

Those bitches sold us up the river

Hugh O'Donoghue

Enjoy your Lizard People tiaras while you can O'Donoghue

Jay-Z

Inter-species love is uncool Jay-Z, super uncool!

Russell Brand

Russell Brand was among the first to collaborate

Bertie Aherne

Former Irish Taoiseach, Bertie Ahern, shares a bowl of shamrocks with the Lizard King!

An Interview With A Star... Jim Corr

Jim Corr


Through both lying and deception I managed to wrangle myself an interview with the drummer from legendary girl group The Corrs, Jim Corr himself. I had to tell him I was part of an underground faction who were fighting against the Lizard people and I needed an interview with him to put in our papmhlet. The following is the interview he gave....


The Lonely Martian: Mr Corr it's a pleasure to meet you in person finally.
Jim Corr: The pleasure is mine fellow freedom fighter. Before we begin though I would like to check that you still don't have the chip that high ranking lizard people have planted in your head *he takes from his pocket what appears to be spork (spoon fork) and gets up to approach me*

Luckily I had anticipated this and had made a small nick on the side of my forehead earlier in the week which I duly pointed to

TLM: That's alright Mr Corr, as you can see I've had mine removed, painful but worth it. No more shall they steal my thoughts so that the lizard people can sell them to companies like Microsoft and Coca Cola.
JC: *Looking a little disappointed sits back down but keeps the spork in one hand* Alright, I just had to make sure, you know?

TLM: Of course I understand it's a lizard people world out there and we have to make sure they don't steal our thoughts
JC: *Nods sagely* Damn straight! Now what kind of questions did you want to ask me

TLM: Well I was hoping to ask you some stuff about your work with the Corrs and then move on to lizard people questions, if that's alright?
JC: Sure no problem, just let me put on my interview hat *takes out tinfoil bowler hat which actually looks quite striking on him* This just makes sure that my super intelligent thought process isn't subsumed by the American Government to make money off the poor

Damn you America! Leave Jim Corr alone!

TLM: Of course, of course. Well my first question is; why did you join a band with your sisters? Why not start your own band?
JC: The answer to that is that nobody wanted to join a band with me, mostly because I wanted to sing songs about lizard people. So in the end my sisters took pity on me and let me join their band.

TLM: Quite nice of them
JC: Not really I only found out recently that most of our songs were subtle allegations of me being a complete nutjob. I did not enjoy that!

His stupidity leaves them breathless! Who knew?!?!

TLM: So you're saying that they're all bitches?
JC: Sure thing, nothing they like better than to bring a guy down with their celtic music.

TLM: So who was the worst?
JC: Oh defo Andrea, she was the worst near the end. She wasn't even being subtle, blatantly calling me an idiot right to my face!

TLM: You say 'near the end', near the end of what?
JC: Their reign of terror

TLM: Their reign of terror?
JC: Yes, you see I discovered that they were in fact lizard people collaborators! So I captured them and keep them locked up in the basement of my house trying to get answers from them about the lizard people's plans for humans

TLM: So this is why The Corrs broke up?
JC: Sure is! You didn't believe all that nonsense about solo careers, did you? Hah! Ol' Jim here has more than one trick up his sleeve!

TLM: How did you find out about their collaboration?
JC: Well I first thought there was something fishy about them when I realised they weren't calling me stupid in their songs anymore and the more I listened the more I heard the subliminal messages about obeying the lizard people overlords. One day I followed them and took this picture of them with some of the lizard people *He reached into his pocket and produced a picture which made me gasp most femininely*

Jim Corr was right all along! Or is a great photoshop technician!

TLM: Wow, Jim, this... this is amazing! Why haven't you shown this to anyone!
JC: Because everyone thinks I'm nuts, it's thanks to the subliminal messages in the music

TLM: Those bitches have gone too far!
JC: That's right, that's why I've been tortuting them the last few weeks to find out their plans

TLM: I want to help you Jim
JC: Well let's get to torturing them some more then....

We spent an eventful afternoon of torturing and laughing and drinking beers after that.

A couple of hours later when we had tortured them enough for one day we went back to the interview

TLM: I have to say Jim, that was a lot of fun
JC: Sure is, I don't think they know any of the lizard people plans but I do enjoy making them pay for their collaboration

TLM: Damn straight! I just have a couple more questions for you before I finish
JC: That's perfectly alright, fire away!

TLM: So what are your future plans for combating the lizard people?
JC: Well I have planned on making a new world government with me as the world president. I would bring in policies about every person in the world having their chips removed, set up roving death squads to combat the lizard people and I woud ban all music that doesn't involve singing about killing lizard people

Yes we can... defeat the lizard people!

TLM: Well you've certainly got my vote Mr. Corr, bags vice president! And finally, when you do become president of Earth, what will you do once the lizard people are eradicated?
JC: Why, isn't it obvious? I will declare intergalactic war on Jupiter!

TLM: Of course, why didn't I see it sooner! Well Mr Corr this was certainly an eye-opening experience, thank you for your time!
JC: No problem. Any time!

And that was how I came to torture the Corr sisters.... I mean my interview with Jim Corr went!

Death to the Lizard People!

An Interview With A Star... Gary Busey

Gary Busey.

Just last week I was lucky enough to have gotten an exclusive interview with famed actor Gary Busey, how I managed this is none of your business and also I've forced myself to forget the horrible things I had to do, I actually had to exorcise my phone afterwards. Anyway here we go....

The Lonely Martian: Hello Mr Busey it's a pleasure to finally meet you face to face
Gary Busey: Gabba gobbledy goobity

TLM: I'm sorry what?
GB: Sorry, just had some food in my teeth. *plucks what looks like the tail of a lizard from his mouth and throws it on the floor* Alright, now I am ready

TLM: Alright... well my first question is, what made you such a prolific actor?
GB: Well I'd say it's mostly down to all the lizards I eat, both poisonous and non, and also the fact that my acting coach, Numsfy here beside me, *points to a cardboard cut out of himself* taught me all the ins and outs of acting, ain't that right Numsfy? *looks at cutout and nods his head like he was getting the response he expected*

TLM: Wonderful.... Moving on, do you get annoyed by people making fun of your appearance much?
GB: Not particularly. If you think about it, if this was Busey world, patent pending, then I would be the handsome one and everyone else would be ugly, then who would be King Handsome sitting on his throne of beauty? Gary Busey that's who! GODDAMN GARY BUSEY!

TLM: Frightening! On to a less emotion provoking topic, when did oyu first realise you wanted to go into acting?
GB: I'd say it was when I was about 3 years old when I put on a fully performed adaption of Hamlet for my at-the-time-mother where I played all the parts including the stage props. She said I was wonderful and I've been in acting my whole life since.

TLM: You say 'at-the-time-mother' as if you went on to a different mother at a later period
GB: Of course, we Buseys are constantly changing mothers depending on our body heat at the time, I'd say I've had about 56 different mothers now.

TLM: And is this pre-arranged with the women you adopt as your mother?
GB: Of course not, if they knew then where would the surprise come from of them haivng a new son to look after and care for.

TLM: And what happens when you move on to another mother?
GB: I eat the previous one

TLM: You... eat them? You say this as if it's something normal!
GB: Of course it is, it's natural.

TLM: And oyu've never been arrested for murder and/or cannibalism
GB: The police and I have an understanding. I continue to make great movies like Point Break and they let me eat all the women I like.

TLM: But... you haven't made a movie in years
GB: What the fuck are you talking about, I make about ten movies every year. Gary Busey. In fact I'm filming Point Break 4: The Zombie Presidents right now and Numsfy here has a starring role. Gary Busey.

TLM: Alright, I'll take your word for it
GB: Goddamn right you'll take my word for it, just take a look at all the oscars I've won *He turns to point at a shelf heaving under the weight of what looks like tiny gold statuettes in his likeness*

TLM: Ahem... eh... wow Mr Busey that's amazing. What categories did you win them in?
GB: They're mostly best actos but a couple are for best kisser as well. That's a category they made up for me because of my great kissing abilities

TLM: Alright Mr Busey, this was a wonderful interview, thank you so much for your time
GB: No problem, anything for my fans. *Looks over at the cutout* What's that Numsfy? Really? *Turns back* Well, it sems Numsfy has taken quite a shine to you, he wants a goodbye kiss.

TLM: No, no, that's not something I do at interviews
GB: You will kiss him or I will eat you!

And so followed the worst 15 minutes of my life where I made out with a cut out in the likeness of Gary Busey who stood watching me the whole time and rubbing his nipples.


That's it for this week's installment of 'An Interview With A Star..."