With the inevitable rise of the lizard people and the subjugation of all mankind just over the horizon I'd like to share a few excerpts from my new how-to guide "The Lizard People and You : Coping With Slavery". Covered in my novel will be neat tips to help make your slavery less terrible and you may even avoid death!
Chapter 1 : Surrender!
When that first wave of lizard people comes thundering over the hill and starts mowing down your brave and noble compatriots, do the smart thing and surrender. Take the old age adage of "he who fights and runs away will live to fight another day" and throw it out the door, that one is stupid and is more than likely gonna get you killed, and use my new and improved one of "he who doesn't fight and surrenders will live forever and a day".
So when that first platoon of lizard men infantry kills off the first battalion of earths defenses you just scoff derisively at their stupidity take out your home-made white flag (for those of you who don't have a white flag there is a section in the back of the book with hints and tips on making that perfect white flag from things lying around your home), drop to your knees and proclaim loudly "I surrender to my superior lizard overlords" while waving your falg in a non threatening manner.
When all of humanity is eventually enslaved and the lizard people have taken their place as overlords of Earth you don't want to be doing something silly like joining the resistance or standing up for some sort of basic human rights. The lizard people while sharing some of our features and body shape are completely devoid of mercy, pity and humour, so you certainly don't want to be vying for human rights with some cleverly worded puns.
What you need to be doing is knuckling down and getting used to soul crushing work and back breaking labour. Just do your job as well as you can. Do not for any reason stand out from the crowd, you want to blend in seemlessly with the rest of the slaves. You need to lie low and wait for that moment to ingratiate yourself with the lizard people, covered in ch. 9
Chapter 9 : Snitching
Now I know snitching doesn't sound great but once you get into a few years of sould crushing work and drudgery of being a slave you'll be aching for that grunt or hiss of approval from your lizard person owner. After a while you may even realise that snitching is what you were born to do. Although, for those of you not born to snitch you will have to work on it
The first couple of times you snitch on your fellow slaves you may feel somewhat bad but hey, better them than you, am I right? So to overcome this feeling of guilt, snitch on them in private or at least away from judging expressions. As you get used to this and become less and less of a human with each snitch you should be capable of doing it to that persons face, literally pointing at them and declaring their crime. At that point the sight of their tears and the sounds of their tears will actualy bring you much sexual gratification. At a certain point you'll give up on actually finding out real crimes and just start making them up, all so that you can hear that first, sweet scream send a wave of pleasure through you, her terrified eyes looking right at you as they drag her away for torture and death. Simply sublime!
My book is available in all good books... aw, who am I kidding my book is only available to people who ask for it. Upon which I will write it out in crayon for them as I can't afford a printer. So please drop me a bell if you want to get a copy of my book. I'll even sign the first five copies
