Writing A Chuck Lorre Comedy In A Few Easy Steps

For all those aspiring screenwriters out there who can't seem to catch a break and get their great ideas in the big and/or small screen here are a few simple steps to follow that has made Chuck Lorre a huge success in todays ADHD world of channel flipping. So my fellow screenplay writers, throw down your Starbucks coffees and turn your MacBook to 'full steam ahead' (that's a Mac term, right?) and lets get writing

1. Setting

First of all you need to set your series in a place that is easy for people to relate to. For example at home, a la Two and a Half Men, Dharma and Greg, big Bang Theory (actually I think all Chuck Lorre series are set primarily in the homplace so this one is a no brainer, just set your series in the home of your characters).

I hear what you're saying fellow writers, "That's been done a hundred times over, I can't copy that", or "What about setting it in a pawn shop, that's cool and artsy like me" or "Mine's set in an antiquery which is even more artsy than a pawn shop" and even "Mine's set in a metaphysical world where everybody is no one and nobody is everyone else". So put away your quirky settings and set the series at home, be that house or flat

2. Characters

When creating your characters don't make them too complicated, best to not even give them a three dimensial personality. Make the character so shallow that in turning to the side they would disappear and never return. People like simple and easy, too complicated and they're flipping over to Jersey Shore where everyone is so shallowyou could barely fill a thimble with their personalities.

Take Chuck Lorre's example: Two and A Half Men; Charlie- Sex crazed booze hound, Alan- Sex crazed weirdo. Neither of these characters had personalities evolved past their constant sex talk. Here's how one episode usually goes

Charlie: I just had so much sex
Alan: And I had no sex
Audience: Ha ha, one guy had sex and the other didn't, classic Two and a Half Men!

Then just take this and repeat in slightly different ways for 24 episodes and shazam you got yourself a tv series

3.Plot Devices

Keep your plots simple, do not delve too much into plot detail, this is a must! If you don't want your audience flipping over to Jersey Shore again, where the plot usually involves either sex or fighting, then you keep the plot to an absolute minimum. You don't want several subtle subplots confusing your audience.

Take Chuck Lorre's Big Bang Theory for example: This series involved two geeky guys living across from a hot popular girl (nothing complicated so far). An episode usually involved someting like this:

Geek #1: Hey, do you want to come with us to (insert geek activity here)
Hot Girl: I don't know what that means, is it something to do with shoes/fashion/drinking? (any one of the three is fine)
Audience: Ha ha, they don't understand each other because one is a geek and the other is popular, it's like they're speaking a different language, classic Big Bang theory!

And, as before, repeat this process in various, only slightly different ways, for 24 episodes and you got yourself an amazing tv series


So there you go, three easy steps in creating your very own tv series. Tune in next time when I take these helpful tips and write the pilot episode to my very own Chuck Lorre tv series

Nicolas Cage: Greatest Actor Ever?

In answer to that initial question: Yes, yes he is the greatest actor of all time, of all time. I said of all time twice there because he may be the greatest actor in two parallel worlds. That's right Nicolas Cage exists just as he is in an alternate universe where he is exactly the same and insanely insane. Nicolas Cage is the man we hate to love, while we'll never admit to liking his movies to our friends while chillin' in the local cafe and writing our various novels/screenplays, etc, etc, while in reality in our heart of hearts we all love a bitta Nic Cage in our lives

I hear what you're saying peeps of the internet; "How is this possible?" "No he's not" and the ever classic "This isn't the porn link I clicked on!"

Well, just hear me out or go back to the link and click it again, it's probably just broken.

Firstly Nicolas Cage is the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola, the director of the Godfather franchise, and could have skated by on that name, ie, Nicolas Coppola, but instead he changed his name to forge his way into our hearts and into the history books!

Nicolas Cage has starred in 68 movies! You heard right, that's 68 goshdarn movies. The man is only 47 for crying out loud (which I do, often and repeatedly cos I'm desperately lonely. Women of the internet please mail me on you phone numbers and maybe we could get together. I know a nice little place down the street where we could get dinner, maybe see a movie after, who knows I might even bring you to the illegal endangered animal fighting ring I sometimes frequent with my chums. But I'm going off on a tangent here and Nicolas Cage doesn't believe in tangents, nor does he believe that fish can breathe underwater, don't ask me why but apparently that's the case, something about snorkels and underwater cities, don't ask him about it, it sounds interesting but he just goes on and on and on about it). For a man who started acting in the 80's that's pretty much two and a half movies a year.

And then there's the actualy movies he's starred in. You say he hasn't been in good movies but in reality he has, like loads of good movies, for example, National Treasure, Face/Off, Con Air, Raising Arizona to name but a few. I would name all 68 of his movies but this is not a list about his movies only a list of why he is so great and amazing and perfect and handsome. Do you really think any of these movies would have been better without Nic Cage, no, they would have been truly awful and I mean awful. You take the lead character out of a movie and all you have is a load of supporting actors trying to fill the void left behind by Nic Cage, the man is irreplacable.

The sheer breadth of his acting career, have you ever seen an ctor star in so many varied genres of movies. This is a man not bound by the strictures of normal script choosing. He does not go by quality of script nor calibre of director not even does he go for the good supporting cast. No, Nic Cage makes all his decisions based on the wheel from Twister, but instead of various colours he just has the genres of various movies sellotaped on. He's got a pile of scripts in front of him he just gives that wheel a spin and BAM! you got yourself Season of The Witch SHAZAM! Gone in 60 Seconds POW! Captain Corelli's Mandelin KABOOM Ghost Rider

Have you seen the man in a moustache? this one doesn't even need explaining. Just behold and revel in the glory that is a demi-god

Not only that but have you ever been sitting at home or in the cinema watching a movie and just said to yourself, "Do you know who would be better in that role?" Answer: "Nicolas Cage". The answer is always Nicolas Cage (even 2+2= Nicolas Cage but that's Cagenomics, a new and total global market saving version of economics that I invented. There's not many rules to be bound to, you pretty much accept every job or offer of any sort and then spend you're money like it's going to self destruct in 20 minutes) Come with me on a magic boat ride down River Nicolas as I tell you how some movies could have been Cageified; Twilight- Nicolas Cage as Edward, Titanic- Cage as Rose, Avatar- All the blue guys resemble Nic Cage. So next time you're watching a shitty movie just imagine what it would be like with Nic Cage as the star

I just hope that when Nic Cage dies, if ever, and ascends to his rightful place atop Mount Olympus that there will be someone else to take his place

And if none of those reasons can convinve you then check this, the man might even be immortal.